John and Ron: 1 Original 2004 Story
by Malkmusian
Summary: It's one of my original 2004 stories from when I had no sense at all. I wrote it about Ron finding out he's not a Stoppable.


John and Ron 1: The Truth 

(In script form)

(You see Homsar Jones, a faerie man with no wings, in a voice room)

Homsar Jones: Hello, this is me, Homsar Jones, and this is the story of how John reunited with his long lost brother for 5 years called Ron, Kim Possible's sidekick. Kim saw him in Pre-K because she lived in the Prance/Neopia Central area. But one rabbi called Rabbi Knuckles Katz hated Ron because of his actions. So, on September 1, 1993 at the beginning of the day, 12:00 a.m., Rabbi Katz kidnapped Ron in his bedroom to do the bar mitzvah of death, but we all saved him. Rabbi Katz tried again on April 27, 1994, at a Green Day concert. He thought he did it for good, but it didn't last for long. We got Ron back.

(Joseph, the baby Aisha, comes in the sound room)

Joseph: Hwello, Dwaddy. What dwo you hwave for me?

Homsar Jones: Be quiet, Joseph!

Joseph: (crying) BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAA! I want new twoys!

Homsar Jones: I'll get you one when I get finished with this reading!

(Joseph goes out of the sound room to tell all of the people in the restaurant for money for a "twoy")

Homsar Jones: Can we go to the movie?

(John comes up)

John: Yes. Roll the cameras. Action! Your baby Aisha wants a "twoy" badly. He's acting like crazy!

(At Ron's house)

Ron: Hey ya, Mr. Dad.

Ron's Dad: (in a stern voice) Hello, Ron.

Ron: Why are you stern?

Ron's Dad: I got your grades at school and you done a good job on them.

Ron: Why are you stern? Really?

Ron's Dad: I have your medical reports. They say you didn't have a bris.

Ron: What the? I did! Except they called it a circumcision!

Ron's Dad: This "Jeran" did it. He wasn't a rabbi, I know. He was a Lupe or an Aisha. I don't know.

Ron: (in a backsassing voice) Well, you don't do that to...

(Ron gets hit with a tranquilizer)

Ron's Dad: Good shot, Knuckles Katz!

Rabbi Katz: Thanks.

(2 hours later)

Ron: Ow. Stop touching my...

Ron's Dad: You got served!

Ron: NOOO!

(Ron runs away to Kim's house)

(In Kim's house)

(The doorbell rings)

Kim: I'll get it!

(Kim opens the door)

Kim: Hello...Ron?

Ron: I got served! I hated it!

Kim: What's wrong?

Ron: My dad said I had my circumcision with a "Jeran". Dad said it was a Lupe or an Aisha.

Kim: You mean Jeran, the knight of Meridell?

Ron: Yes.

Kim: I'll go talk to Wade.

(Kim goes to her Kimmunicator)

Kim: Hey, Wade. Do you know Ron Matthew Stoppable's birth certificate?

Wade: I'll check.

(2 minutes and 5 sodas later)

Wade: I got Ron's birth certificate!

Kim: What are the signatures on the bottom? They don't look like Ron's parents' signatures!

Wade: The signatures say, "Jeran Christable" with a ink blot on his last name and "James Christable" with a drawing of an Aisha on his period. They're both men, but one's got an accidental transfer of eggs and one has his regular sperm. So his parents are kind of gay.

Kim: Check on the wedding directory in 1979.

(5 minutes and a Primus song later)

Wade: I have the directory. It says that James Christable and Jeran Chumtab were married on June 2, 1979. James got pregnant on December 1, 1979. On September 1, 1980, Ron and Jonathan Christable were born. One's an Aisha, while...you know.

Kim: Woah!

(Ron comes in)

Ron: What's my secret?

Kim: Ron, your last name is Christable and you have a brother Aisha called Johnthan. You have a Lupe and an Aisha for your parents. They are men, but James, your mom, is a boy except he got an egg transfer.

Ron: The eggs you cook?

Kim: The eggs in women to give birth to babies.

Wade: Bam Margera knows where they live, so he'll take you to their house, which the trip is through 2 counties.

Ron: I'll get my stuff.

(On the Jeep)

Bam: Hello, Ron.

Ron: Hello, Bam. Don't I remember you?

Bam: Oh yeah, the waiter job. You are about to go to...

Ron: I know.

Bam: Let's get this show on the road!

(2 hours later)

Ron: Bam, where are we?

Bam: At your real parents' house!

Ron: Oh...

(Ron rings the doorbell)

(Inside the house)

John: The doorbell just rang!

Jeran: I'll get it.

(Jeran opens the door)

Ron: Hello.

Jeran: Hello, Ron! Where have you been for 5 years?

Ron: New parents.

Jeran: I dropped you off at a Green Day concert and I got you this because they got you.

(Jeran gives Ron a Green Day Dookie t-shirt and an autographed copy of Dookie)

Ron: What are they?

Jeran: The J.O.R.B. Corporation

Ron: What do they do?

Jeran: They're protectors of the Rapture. They don't want it to happen right now.

Ron: Where's Mom?

Jeran: Don't call him mom. He's a man.

Ron: Where is James?

Jeran: He's renting 2 movies for 3 videos and us for John and you.

Ron: Does he like me?

Jeran: Yes. James is happy to see you.

(James comes in the house with Burger King bags)

James: (excited) Hello, Ron!

Ron: (excited) Hello to you, Mom!

James: (angry) Stop calling me mom!

Ron: Where's my brother?

Jeran: He's in his room. He's a fan of the 80s. I mean it. He watches "I Love The 80s" and "I Love The 80s Strikes Back" almost all the time. He also has time for Bill Nye The Science Guy when he gets home on Monday through Thursday except on the last week. He also needs to study his science.

(Ron goes upstairs)

Ron: This is going to be bad.

Voice: Ron...Ronnnn...I am huuunnngryyyy.

(Ron knocks on John's door)

John: Come in!

Ron: Hey, John!

John: Hey, Ron! My mom...

James: (from downstairs) STOP CALLING ME MOM!

John: I'm going to quit calling James right now. I'm going to tell you my hobbies. I play Pac-Man a lot. I mean it. I play it so much that they call me the "Pinball Wizard".

Ron: Is that a song by The Who?

John: Yes. Although my dad said that I loved '80s stuff, I still enjoy the '90s. I like Nirvana, Weird Al Yankovic, Dumb and Dumber, The Simpsons...

Ron: I'm not asking for your life story!

John: Okay.

Ron: I'm hungry.

John: So am I, too. My mom...

James: (from downstairs) STOP IT! YOU'RE GROUNDED!

John: My...James has got us some Burger King meals! We can bring them upstairs and he also brought a DVD of "Matilda" and "Volcano" from Blockbuster.

Ron: Cool! Where was the Blockbuster?

John: Good question. Prance.

Ron: Can we go there tomorrow?

John: Yes. My dad let me have my own car. I can drive you there, but it's going to take 1 hour.

Ron: Why? It seems like 30 minutes!

John: Homestar has a concert every day and it has a lot of traffic. It takes 2 hours to get through the traffic, but in a DeLorean, it takes shorter...like around 1 hour.

Ron: Cool!

Jeran: Dinner! Get your bags!

(Ron and John go downstairs to the kitchen)

Jeran: Here you go, a cheeseburger with bacon, lettuce, and tomato. For John, it's 16 chicken nuggets. All of you get King Sized fries and coke.

Ron: I don't eat pork. It's my specialty.

John: You're not Jewish anymore. When Homsar Jones was at the evil bris, he poured a gallon of water on your head. You are now Baptist. You were served.

Ron: AAAUGH!

John: I mean you got baptized.

Ron: Now I know. Can we go upstairs?

Jeran: We are watching "Deep Throat", a bad movie, downstairs. You guys can eat upstairs. Just remember to throw away your trash.

John: We will.

(John and Ron go upstairs)

John: I'm going to show you upstairs. Left is my room. You are welcome any time. The right is your room. The way you just left it.

Ron: You mean with a naked mole rat in a cage?

John: Nah. The way you left it on the day that you got kidnapped by the J.O.R.B. Corporation.

Ron: You mean with a portable CD player on the desk and an IBM computer?

John: Yes. When all the stuff got outdated in your room, we hired Homsar Jones to repaint your room, get you a Sleepmaster™ matress, get a Sony CD/radio/tape stereo for 1999, and get you a Dell™ Intispiron laptop.

Ron: Really?

John: Yes.

(They enter John's room)

Ron: Are we going to pop in the DVDs?

John: I got Child's Play and The Fly.

Ron: Those movies are good.

John: Let's eat.

(At 2:00 a.m.)

John: ...Jesus was not just a man. He was God's Son. He was God.

Ron: I didn't know that. I need to believe in that!

(John wakes up)

John: WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST THE CONCEPT OF A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP...did I mention Universal Studios Florida?

Ron: No.

John: Go to sleep.

(Next morning)

John: Get up, Ron.

Ron: Yes?

John: Time to go.

Ron: Okay.

(Ron gets his clothes on)

Ron: I'm ready.

(John and Ron get in his DeLorean)

Ron: I love that movie with the DeLorean.

John: I have that movie on DVD. It's called "Back To The Future". They also have a ride at Universal Studios Florida where you chase Biff.

(They turn the car on)

John: All systems check.

(The car rises up)

Ron: Did you buy this from Doc Brown?

John: Yes.

(The car speeds at 35 mph)

Ron: When are we going to eat?

John: There's a joint that I like to go when we go to Prance.

(John goes into a parking spot at IHOP)

Ron: IHOP? I've been here!

John: Me, too! That restaurant is good!

(They go inside the restaurant)

John: Waiter, party of 2.

Waiter: Sorry. Someone took them all.

Ron: What? It has to be Homsar Jones and his sisters and their friends, because they got to invite his friends over to IHOP.

(Scene cuts to Homsar Jones, Illusen, Jennifer (The Soup Faerie), Les Claypool, and Kurt Cobain eating)

Homsar Jones: You idiots, we actually rented the whole place for a week!

Illusen: Yeah, right. We didn't even rent it for a week. We just took it for a day so we can eat Swedish pancakes.

(Back to John)

John: So that's why they said somebody took them all. I need some Swedish pancakes right now with bacon. Mmm…bacon.

(Back to Homsar Jones' crowd)

Jennifer (The Soup Faerie): I agree with her and where's my Stuffed French Toast™? I need some!

Les Claypool: I just found the Baby Paint Brush.

(Back to John and Ron)

John: What in the world?

(Homsar Jones walks over to John and Ron)

Homsar Jones: While we are waiting for our patty melts and Swedish pancakes, you can join in our conversation.

John: No thanks. I don't feel good right now.

(John throws up)

Ron: Are you sick?

John: No. I have 1st Class Kiko Cybosicmonovolcanonucliosis.

Ron: Is that serious?

John: Yes. It's been here since Eminem was born.

(Homsar Jones walks over to John)

Homsar Jones: Do you want to get out of this joint?

John: Yes, but it's my turn to pick the restaurant which is Denny's!

Homsar: Join me in!

Les Claypool: Me too!

Kurt Cobain: Me three!

Illusen: Not me. I'm full!

(They all hop in the car)

John: Now we're at...

(They stop at a Denny's)

Homsar Jones: Denny's. Boring.

Ron: C'mon. Why don't you try it, yo?

Homsar Jones: 'Kay.

(They go to the drive-thru)

Ron: Watch me, I'm an expert. What do you want?

Homsar Jones: A Grand Slam Breakfast™.

Jennifer: Let me think...Dennysaur Chicken Nuggets.

Les Claypool: A patty melt on rye bread.

Kurt Cobain: Same as Homsar Jones.

(The voice box comes on)

Guy: Hello and welcome to your doom, Ron. I stole you in 1993 and 1994, but you said, "Well, you don't tell me what to do!" Welcome to Denny's. What are your punishments, meatbags?

Homsar Jones: Now we should...

Ron: Get away!

(They speed the car at 999 mph out of Denny's)

(Right behind them, a missile comes after them)

Homsar Jones: Swerve a S-curve powerful enough to misguide the missile!

(John does a S-curve class 100)

(The missile hits the trick Denny's)

(The car goes on the interstate)

Ron: Homsar J., what's your choice?

Homsar Jones: Aisha scoutie, its Hubert's Hot Dogs.

(They exit off of I-32 on Newcumber Rd.)

Hubert: What hot dog do you want?

Homsar Jones: A mustard hot dog, a kosher hot dog, and 5 red dogs with a

large order of fries and 7 Mr. PiBBs...

Hubert: Here or to go?

Homsar Jones: To go.

Hubert: Here you go!

(Hubert hands him a bag of the stuff that he ordered)

Homsar Jones: Thanks!

(Homsar Jones hops in the car)

(After breakfast)

John: Now to continue on to Prance which is...5 miles away?

Ron: John, you went the shortcut.

John: Ohh...

(5 miles later)

John: Here we are. Prance, the greatest city of all times. Now I need to find a hotel.

Ron: Here's one!

(Ron points to a Fairfield hotel, 5-star)

John: That's a good one.

(John parks at there)

(They get out of the car)

John: Now we can check in.

(They go inside)

Ron: Check us in.

John: Me too.

(They go to their room)

Ron: This might be a biggie, but it's good!

Homsar Jones: Hey! While we're here, Kurt Cobain and I are going to this area called "Nitrogen: Frozen!" Want to join?

John: Yes.

Ron: Okay.

(They hop in the DeLorean)

(The DeLorean takes off at 55 mph)

John: I know something about this "Too Hot For TV" thing.

Homsar Jones: What?

John: My mom owns it!

James: (on the cell phone) AAAUGH!

(At the "Nitrogen: Frozen!" building)

John: ...and this is the liquid nitrogen, which is bad for you.

Ron: Hey, John! Look at me!

John: RON! DON'T!

(Ron jumps into a tub of liquid nitrogen)

John: I'll get 911!

(John runs up to his mom...I mean James, who is operating a crane on Tub 9)

John: James! James!

James: I thought you were grounded! John, what is it?

John: Ron's trapped in liquid nitrogen!

James: Oh no! We got to save him!

(James operates the crane that pours out liquid nitrogen on Tub 9)

John: Good work!

(John goes to Ron which his skin is still soft, but salmon red-blue)

John: Homsar J., pass me the defibulator!

(Homsar Jones gives John a defibulator)

John: One, two, three!

(John shocks Ron)

John: (whiny) One, two, three!

(John shocks Ron)

Homsar Jones: I'm feeling an aftershock...I don't like it!

(John turns the knob on "So Powerful That It Causes Blackouts...in Springfield)

John: (yelling) ONE, TWO, THREE!

(John shocks Ron and Ron wakes up)

(You see Springfield in total darkness)

(Back to Ron and John at the Nitrogen: Frozen! Building)

Ron: Hello.

John: Get out of here!

Ron: Bill Nye The Science Guy...Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!

(John tugs Ron by the sleeve)

(An explosion happens)

John: RON!

Ron: AAAHH!

(Ron hits his head)

John: Ron. Ron. Wake up. RON! NOOO!

Ron: Hello.

(Ron goes to sleep)

John: Sleepy baby.

(Ron wakes up, later, in his bedroom)

Ron: It was all a dream...

(John comes in)

Ron: John? Why are you doing here?

John: We bought the house.

Ron: My house?

John: Yes.

Ron: How.

John: We arrested the J.O.R.B. Corporation.

(Bill Nye comes in the room)

Bill Nye: We wouldn't have done that stuff if it weren't for the fields of science! Get it?

John: Okay, Ron. You can get him out.

Ron: Billy Nye. I'm going to get you.

(Ron pushes Bill Nye out of the window)

Bill Nye: I'm going to get you!

John: We still are in our regular house. I just used a big screen TV and one of Homsar J.'s spy videos of your house.

Ron: Even if I want to punch you, I'm going to thank you for saving my life and teaching me about Jesus in your room.

John: I didn't teach about Jesus.

Ron: Yes, you did. You teached it in your sleep.

John: So, that's why I saw Jesus in my dream.

Ron: One time, when I went to Norway, I was fed crappy stuff like meatcakes and lamb 'n' cabbage stew. It was like crap, ya'll. I was so confused about time travel that I...

Homsar Jones: So, there you have it. That's the story of John reuniting with

Ron. Do you know what happened to them? We all just sat in the living room and watched all of the memories. The audience will leave in just a minute. Have a safe day at Universal Studios Florida. I have a baby Aisha called Joseph and he still...(angry)...breaks my pottery collection.

(Joseph comes in the voice room)

Homsar Jones: Joseph! How many times do I have to tell you, do not come in here!

Joseph (crying): You hwurt mwy feelengs! I want to hwave a cwameo! You neveo put mwe in twhe mwovie! I'm going to bwite you!

Homsar Jones: You better don't...

(Joseph bites Homsar Jones in the leg so hard that he is bleeding)

Homsar Jones: (in pain) Joseph!

(The credits come on)

(The end)


End file.
